File these under “the kind of sites you’d hope to land on while clicking through StumbleUpon in the late aughts.”

Afoolzerrand: An extensive database of chocolate milk reviews. (Alpenrose Swiss Supreme Chocolate Milk: “Much more sweet than chocolaty and has a beefy yet accessible 6% base– which pays dividends in the highly satisfying afterglow.” 9.5 out of 10.) Via Naive Weekly.

AppleRankings: As in, the fruit. (Red Delicious: “Nowadays, you can find this thick-skinned, flavorless, mealy imposter unwashed in a dirty wicker basket on the floor of a convenience store.” 25 out of 100.) Via M.H. Williams on BlueSky.

The Mix Review: Excessively granular analyses of modern pop songs. (“Please Please Please” by Sabrina Carpenter: “By changing the key of the second verse, the music rouses us listeners from our complacency with a jolt of novelty, but without any risk of rendering the verse’s underlying musical content less memorable.”) Found searching the web for “please please please modulation” because I was wondering if anyone else appreciated it, while also wishing someone had bestowed similar love upon the crunchy altered secondary dominant chord in “Feather.”